


Play Me a Memory

by SilverCrane



Category: Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Car Accidents, Character Death, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-03-20 13:19:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18993433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverCrane/pseuds/SilverCrane
Summary: Back in the summer of his twelfth year, Nickolas Meyers moved to a new town, made a new friend, and simultaneously lost him.More than a decade later, the piano at the bar he frequents suddenly gets a new player.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! I wrote this while listening to piano man and also procrastinating on No One Deserves to Be Forgotten.  
> Please enjoy!

It was the sound of the piano that first drew Nick into the ice cream shop. The bell rang as he entered, and he paused in the doorway for a moment, unsure of himself.

It was the boy sitting on the piano bench that made him stay, turning his head at the sound of the bell.

"Welcome!" He greeted with a grin, his hands stilling on the keys. He jumps to his feet, sticking his hand out. "My name's Louis. What can I get you?"

Nick blinks, tentatively shaking Louis' hand. "I'm Nickolas. But people call me Nick." He glances at the board behind the counter, scanning the thousands of flavors. "Can I get a- uh-" He shuffles his feet, chewing at his lip. Louis watches this with a grin on his face, his blue eyes sparkling with laughter. "Oh, what do you recommend?" Nick asks, giving up on actually choosing.

Louis' face lights up, and he jumps over the counter. "I am SO glad you asked!" He leans over the counter, and Nick instantly regrets asking him. Louis opens his mouth, but before he can speak, a loud voice from behind him interrupts.

"Louis Balletti, what are you doing behind the counter?"

Louis turns, a guilty look on his face, as a young woman comes down stairs Nick hadn't noticed before. "Ma, I was-" Louis explains, but the woman- his mother, Nick realizes- interrupts him, her hands on her hips.

"None of that. How many times do I have to tell you, kid? No going behind the counter! You're only twelve, for God's sake!" Louis sighs, crossing his arms. He gives Nick a pouty look, and Nick laughs a little, drawing the attention of the woman.

"Oh! Welcome to Izzy's Ice Cream dear, what can I get you?" She asks, tying an apron around her waist.

Nick chews his lip, glancing at Louis, who's eyes dart from him to his mother. "Actually, Ma, can we get two cookies 'n cream?" He asks, vaulting back over the counter and standing next to Nick. "One for me, and one for Nicky." He slings his arm over Nick's shoulder, grinning.

His mom rolls her eyes, then goes to work preparing the ice cream. Louis guides Nick to one of the tables, sitting him down. 

"So." He starts, pulling a chair out and sitting in it, backwards. "Are you new?" He asks, leaning over the back of the chair to stare intently at Nick.

"Yeah, my dad and I just moved here." He twiddles his thumbs. "How'd you know?"

Louis grins. "I just had a hutch!" He leans back, falling out of the chair. Nick laughs, reaching out to help him back up. "Thanks."

Nick shakes his head. "No problem." He turns his gaze to the piano. "You play the piano?" 

Louis turns too, looking at the piano. "Oh. Yeah." He grins, standing up. "Do you?"

Nick shakes his head, also standing up. "Nah. My dad thinks playing piano is a too girly." He glances at Louis. "No offense."

Louis shrugs, sitting down at the bench. "None taken." He pats the seat next to him, and Nick hesitantly sits down. He places his hands on the keys. "Any requests, Nicky?" He asks, bumping Nick with his shoulder. 

Nick frowns slightly, shaking his head. "I- I dunno."

Louis grins. "Oh- I got one. You're gonna love it." He places his hands on the piano and starts playing.

Nick closes his eyes, listening. A small smile appears on his face when he realizes what the song is, opening his eyes and elbowing Louis in the side.

"Really? Never Gonna Give You Up?" He laughs. Louis grins, shrugging.

"You gave me the opportunity. I took it." He turns around. "Looks like our ice cream is ready." He sounds almost disappointed, and Nick can't blame him. It was nice, sitting and playing. 

Nick glances at his watch. He still had a few minutes before he had to get back home, and he was going to spend as much time as he could here.

He moves back to the table, thanking Louis' mom and taking his ice cream cone. He sticks one hand in his pocket, feeling around for the loose coins he knew were there somewhere.

"Here." He says, handing Louis the few cents. "I know it's not enough- I'll have to pay you back." 

Louis looks up from his ice cream bowl, spoon sticking out of him mouth. "Hm?" He pulls it out, waving it at Nick. "Nicky, how do I know you won't take off an never come back again?" He asks, a serious look in his eyes. 

Nick blinks nervously. "I- uh-"

"How do I know you aren't just skipping out on paying, huh?" He was leaning over the table now, his face almost touching Nick's. 

"Well- I-" Nick tries again, but gets cut off. 

"Here." Louis leans back, sliding his phone across the table. He was grinning now, and Nick relaxes slightly.

"You know, if you wanted my number, you could've just asked like a normal person." Nick jokes, taking the phone and typing his number into the contacts.

Louis gasps, placing a hand over his heart. "I am offended! This was a perfectly normal was of asking, Nicky."

Nick rolls his eyes. "Sure, kid. Scare me into being friends with you. Sounds great." He can't help the grin crossing his face, so he takes a bite of his ice cream.

"Hey, it sounded better in my head." Louis smiles, sliding the coins back across the table. "The ice cream is on the house, by the way. It always is for friends."

Nick shakes his head, pushing the coins back at Louis. "No, I insist."

"No, I insist."

"Louis."

"Nickolas."

Nick sighs, taking the coins. "Fine, but only because you're being so stubborn." 

Louis grins at that, shrugging. "It's a talent."

Another glance at his watch shows Nick that it's time to go, and he stands up, quickly finishing his ice cream. "Look, Louis, I gotta go. It was nice meeting you." He sticks out a hand, and Louis returns the gesture, his hand sticky from the ice cream.

"I'll text you?" He asks, more of a question than a statement, and Nick smiles.

"Sure."

He leaves with a wave to Louis' mother and a warm feeling in his chest. His first friend in a new city.

~~~~~

It's not even a week later that his phone lights up.

Louis- wanna come over? 

He sighs, opening up the message.

Nick- I can't. I have to study for the spelling bee.

He flips his phone over, going back to studying. His phone bings again, and he sighs. 

Louis- i can help??? I know words

Nick laughs a little at that, closing his book.

Nick- Fine. I'll be over in a few.

He shoves the book into his bag, swinging it over his shoulder. 

"Dad, I'm going out." He shouts downstairs, pausing in front of a mirror and running a hand through his curls. He stops, hand still entangled in his hair. Why was he doing this? It wasn't like it was a date. He sits on the banister, sliding down.

"Dad?" He calls again, running into the kitchen to grab two oranges. He shoves them into his bag too.

"Yeah Nick?" Comes his dad's voice from the living room, and Nick sighs. 

"I'm going out." He says, sliding into the living room on his socks. "Louis is gonna help me study for the bee."

He father raises an eyebrow, pausing his T.V. show. "Louis? Piano Louis?"

Nick shuffles his feet. "Yeah, his mom owns the ice cream store down on 24th. Can I go?"

He father sighs, then nods. "Just be home by seven."

Nick grins, slipping his shoes on. "Great! Thanks dad!" He races out the door, running all the way to Louis' place. He pauses in the doorway, catching his breath. He opens the door, listening to the chime of the bell.

"Hey! Nicky!" Louis greets from the piano, standing up. The store was empty except for Louis' mom, who smiles at Nick. "Mom, me 'n Nick are going upstairs!"

He grabs Nick's hand, pulling him behind the counter and up the stairs. Nick gives a small wave to Louis' mom before he's dragged away.

Louis closes the door behind them, grinning and plopping down on his bed. Nick takes the time to look around, taking in the airplane models and movie posters.

"Harry Potter?" He questions, a small grin on his face. 

Louis turns pink, and he chucks a pillow at Nick. "Hey, it's a good movie!"

Nick puts up his hands to block, laughing. "Hey! I didn't say it wasn't." He picks the pillow up from the floor, flipping it over in his hands. "I actually haven't watched the movies. I read the books though. My favorite was the last one." He pauses. "Have you seen the new movie?" He asks. "Order of the Phoenix?"

Louis looks up from his reclining position on the bed. "Why?" He flutters his eyelids. "You asking me out on a date?"

Nick turns red, chucking the pillow back at him. It hits him square in the face and he falls backwards, laughing.

"I'm joking, I'm joking!"

Nick huffs, sitting down on the bed. "And here I was being so nice and bringing you an orange..."

This catches the attention of Louis, and he sits up, pushing the pillow off his face. "You brought me an orange?" He asks excitedly.

Nick shakes his head. "Oranges are only for people who help me practice for the spelling bee." He says with a grin, pulling out his spelling book. 

"Now here." He shoves the book at Louis. "Start on list three. Page seventeen."

He kicks off his shoes, pulling his legs up to mirror Louis, sitting crisscross applesauce. Louis flips to the correct page, his eyes scanning the page.

"Negus."

"N-E-G-U-S." Nick recites, twisting his hands together.

"Yup. Cor- coryza."

"C-O-R-Y-Z-A. It's a nasal inflammation." Nick explains.

"I knew that. Serrefine." 

"Sure you did. S-E-R-R-E-F-I-N-E."

"Correct. Fiancé"

"F-I-A-N-C-E. There's a accent over the e though."

"Uh-huh. Rey- rey- reykjavik. What the heck?" Louis squints at the paper.

"Just be glad you don't have to spell it." Nick huffs, closing his eyes again. "R-E-Y-K-J-A-V-I-K. It's the capital of Iceland."

"Correct. Weird. Really?"

"W-E-I-R-D. You'd be surprised."

It takes them an hour to go through all the words, Louis getting more and more restless with each one.

"Juxtaposition."

"J-U-X-T-A-P-O-S-I-T-I-O-N."

"Whoo!" Louis cheers, slamming the book shut. "Finally done!" 

Nick grins, tossing Louis an orange. "Sorry if it's a little squished..." He pauses for a second before tossing Louis a second orange. "Here. Have two."

"Thanks." Louis says, peeling the orange and throwing the peel in the trash. "So when's the competition?" He asks, popping a piece in his mouth.

Nick flops down on the bed, covering his eyes with his hands. "Next week."

"You'll do great!" Louis nudges him with his foot. "Look at you! You're the embodiment of a word nerd."

Nick scoffs. "This is coming from the guy with a death star model on his shelf?" 

Louis laughs. "C'mon Nicky, you don't gotta be so harsh. My Pa helped me make that one!" He flops down next to Nick, swinging his arm into Nick's face. 

"Hey!" Nick pushes his arm off, grinning. "I'm just telling the truth. You're the bigger nerd here." 

Louis grins, elbowing him in the side. "Says mister spelling bee."

Nick flips onto his side, about to counter. The distance between them is far less then he originally thought, and he looses train of his thought. 

"Nicky?" Louis asks, his voice no more than a breath. His eyes are far bluer than Nick had previously thought, clear as the sky. "Nick?"

"I- I have to go." He stammers, sitting up quickly. His face burns, and he wouldn't be surprised if he looks like a tomato.

"Wait, Nick-" Louis starts, grabbing Nick's arm.

Nick shakes him off, standing up. "I-I'm sorry, I have to go." He repeats, hurrying out the door. He doesn't even notice when Louis' mom bids him goodbye, a dark fog obscuring his thoughts.

Louis- Nick  
Louis- Nick, whats wrong  
Louis- I know youre seeing this, answer me  
Louis- Nicky please  
Louis- I just want to say good luck  
Louis- can we talk? Please

Nick turns off his phone, burying his face in his pillow. This was a disaster. He'd ruined his one friendship in the new city by- he didn't even know what he was feeling. The way his heart skipped every time Louis laughed. The way he felt lighter every time they touched.

"Nick?" A voice from behind his door calls. "Nick, today's the bee. Are you coming?" His father pauses, and Nick sits up, rubbing his face. This was no time to mope. 

"I'm coming, dad." He calls back, his voice scratchy. He swings his legs over the bed, slipping his shoes on. Time to win a contest.

~~~~

The contest takes longer than he thought, but he emerges, trophy clutched in hand. He ignores his father's offer to take him home, racing down the street. He had to tell Louis.

The ice cream shop is closed when he gets there, which he finds strange, but the door is unlocked, and he lets himself in. "Lou! Louis!" He shouts, grinning. Louis' mom comes down the stairs, and he runs to meet her. "Ms. Balletti! I won! Where's Louis?" The look on her face stops him dead in his tracks,

"You haven't heard?" She sobs, tears staining her cheeks. She collapses on the floor, and Nick's trophy lands on the ground with a thud.

Car accident. The words echo in his ears. Critical condition.

He was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a second part I'm not that cruel.  
> If you enjoyed, please leave a comment down below, or if you have any questions, feel free to ask!  
> Have a wonderful day! :D


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm back again!  
> Please enjoy this chapter! There might be another chapter after this one, if things go well.

"Mush. Mushy. Mush! Nickolas!"

The voice snaps Mush out of his thoughts, and he looks up, meeting Jojo's worried gaze.

"Hey Jojo." He says with a tired smile, running a hand through his hair.

"Don't hey Jojo me." Jojo responds with a scowl, crossing his arms. His face softens, and he places a hand on Mush's arm. "Mush, you're falling asleep on your feet. What's wrong?"

Mush shakes his head. "Nothing, Jojo. Just... thinking." He rubs his neck, wincing when it cracks.

"Look, Tommy and Elmer and I were planning on seeing a movie tonight, but Tommy bailed. Something about a dance performance?" Jojo shrugs. "Anyways, I was wondering if you'd like to join us. We never spend any time together outside of work, and I'd like to get to know you better."

Mush hesitates, weighing the options in his head. On one hand, a movie would be nice. He didn't have many friends, and Jojo seemed like a good person. On the other hand...

"Sorry Jojo, I'll pass. Maybe ask Henry?" He slips his jacket on, signaling the end of the conversation. "I'll see you on Monday."

He can feel Jojo's eyes on his back but luckily, the man doesn't protest. Mush pushes the doors open, his breath catching when the brisk winter air hits his face. It hadn't been this cold when he'd gotten to work, and the kitchen had kept him warm. But out here, his thin jacket wasn't enough, and he hurries to get to where he's going.

The door to Medda's is lighter than it looks, and it opens with a single push. His eyes take a second to adjust to the dim lighting, and he pulls the door shut behind him. The chatter inside is a stark contrast to the silence outdoors, and Mush feels himself relax.

"Hey Mushy!" Jack calls from behind the bar, waving a rag at him. Mush makes his way over, sliding onto a bar stool.

"Hey, Jacky." He returns, watching Jack's face bunch up.

"Don't call me that."

"Don't call me Mushy, then." Mush says, leaning forward on his elbows.

"Touché. So what'll you have? The usual?" Jack asks, setting the glass he was wiping down on the bar table. Mush nods, and he goes to work.

Mush takes that time to look around the bar. High ceiling, loud piano music. His gaze is pulled to the large grand piano sitting on the stage. He raises an eyebrow, turning back to Jack. "I didn't know you got a piano player."

Jack turns, a grin on his face. "Oh yeah. Strange kid, calls himself Blink." He looks Mush up and down. "Probably about your age. Here." He slides the drink to Mush, who catches it with one hand. "One gin and tonic for my boy Mush."

"Thanks, Jack." Mush mutters, taking a sip of his drink. His eyes wander back to the piano, watching as the man plays. "He's pretty good, isn't he?"

Jack nods, leaning over the bar next to him. "Oh yeah, it's a wonder. The dude only has one eye, how can he be so good?"

Mush shrugs, watching as the man finishes one song. He leans over and says something to a woman next to him, and she laughs, whispering in his ear. "Lots of practice, I guess." He sips his drink again, eyes focused on the piano.

"So how's the job going?" Jack asks, abandoning his work.

Mush shrugs. "Fine, Jack. Jojo keeps bugging me though."

Jack gasps, placing a hand on his chest. "I am offended! Jojo is my friend."

Mush rolls his eyes at Jack's theatrics. "Yeah, but he keeps trying to be mine." He takes another sip of his drink.

"And is that so bad?" 

Mush doesn't turn, suddenly very interested in his drink.

"Look, Jack. I'm not interested in making friends." 

"Yeah, but Mush, maybe it's time to move on from whoever hurt you." Jack's tone is soft, and it makes Mush's blood boil.

"I don't need your sympathy, Kelly." He snaps, and Jack goes silent. He instantly regrets it, turning to look at Jack. "Look, I didn't mean-"

"No, Mush, it's fine." Jack's smile makes him feel even worse, so he goes back to staring at the piano man. He was playing again, a song Mush remembers but can't quite put his finger on. He lets his eyes slide shut, focusing on the music.

"I dare you to request a song."

Mush's eyes fly open, and he turns quickly. "What? Why?"

Jack grins. "I can see you staring, Mush. Go talk to him!"

Mush's cheeks flush. "It's not like that!" He protests, taking a large gulp of his drink. "He just-" he sets his cup down with a clink, staring past Jack. "He reminds me of someone I used to know."

He's pulled out of his thoughts by Jack's elbow in his side. "Then go talk to him!" He says, a cheeky grin on his face. Mush sighs, getting off his stool. 

"Fine, but only because you're such an ass." Jack laughs at this, and Mush sticks his tongue out.

He tugs his collar nervously, unbuttoning one of the buttons. He probably should've changed after work, but he hadn't had the energy to go home, and Medda's had been right there.

The piano man doesn't look up when Mush approaches, and Mush realizes Jack was right. The man had an eyepatch, worn and brown. His blond hair was shaggy, but wasn't quite long enough to cover the thin scar that ran from beneath the patch to his scalp. Mush clears his throat.

"Hello. I'd like to request a song?" He says, and the man looks up. 

A blue eye. As blue and as clear as the sky. 

A smile Mush could never forget. It slides from his face as he meets Mush's gaze.

"Nicky?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I actually got a Tumblr account recently, SilverCrane14, and I have no idea how to use it! So you can find me there. (And hopefully help me figure out what the heck I'm doing haha)  
> Have a wonderful day! ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I'm back! Please enjoy this chapter!!

Mush stumbles back, knocking over one of the nearby chairs. The bar goes quiet, but he can't tell if it's because of him, or if the buzzing in his head was overwhelming everything else.

"No- no, no, no." He points a trembling finger at the man, who is staring back at him with the disbelief Mush felt. "You're not real. You're a hallucination. You're- you died."

"Nick." He tries again, but Mush cuts him off, grabbing the chair he knocked over and holding it between them. 

"No, you're not real. This- this is just my mind playing tricks on me. You died, Lou."

Louis scowls, crossing his arms. "Yeah? How do you know that? You never came to visit me in the hospital, Nick. You just- vanished!" He throws his arms up. "And here you are, just- pretending I don't exist?"

Nick drops the chair, threading his hands in his hair. "No, no no no- you can't be real, you died-" Its getting harder to breathe, and he scrambles with his collar buttons. "I left you, and you died- and there was nothing I could do." His cheeks are wet, but he doesn't know when he started crying. 

"Mush!" A hand on his shoulder jerks him out of his thoughts, and he meets Jack's worried gaze. "Mush, are you okay?" He glances around, waving away the spectators. "Medda's is closed, go home!" He shouts, much to the disappointment of the customers.

Mush takes a deep breath, rubbing his face.

"So." He looks up, meeting the piano player's eye. His breath catches, but he forces himself to maintain eye contact. "You thought I was dead, huh?"

Mush lets out a shaky laugh. "Well, I- I went to see you, after the bee. Your mom- she-" he sniffles, wiping his eyes. "She said you were in an accident. Critical condition. She wouldn't let me go see you, said she'd have you call when you got out of surgery." He shakes his head. "You never called, Lou." He shoves his hands in his pockets, trying to calm them.

"I went back, the next week, and everything was gone. The ice cream shop was all boarded up, and you still weren't answering my phone. So how could I not think you were dead?"

Louis sighs, running a hand through his shaggy hair. "I'm sorry." He says, his voice quiet. "My phone broke in the crash, and my father- well, he didn't make it." He bows his head, letting his hair cover his face. "We were busy, with the funeral."

"They ran some tests on me, while I was in the hospital." He says, and Mush's heart drops at the wobble of his voice. "I had retinoblastoma. In my left eye." He touches his eyepatch, fingers gentle. "We had to move, for treatment." His finger traces the scar above his eye. "I got this from the crash, but the cancer took my eye." He drops his hand.

"Lou, I'm- I'm sorry."

Louis shrugs. "Still think I'm a hallucination?" He asks, a wry smile on his face. "Or should I spill more dark secrets."

Mush smiles slightly, reaching over and patting Louis. "Well, you feel pretty real..."

Louis raises an eyebrow. "Want me to kiss you to make sure?" Though Mush knows it's a joke, his face still heats up, and he's sure he looks like a tomato. 

"No need!" He assures hurriedly, pulling his hand back. "I uh- you're real. I'm sorry for thinking you weren't, Lou."

Louis shrugs. "It's fine. Oh, and call me Blink. It's what everyone else does."

Mush snorts. "Blink? You let them call you that? Don't you find it..." He trails off, but Blink finishes his sentence. 

"Offensive? Not really. All the kids at rehab had funky nicknames." He shrugs. "Besides, Jack calls you Mush."

Mush's face turns red, and Blink laughs. "What's that about, Mushy?" He asks with a smirk, sitting in a chair. Backwards, Mush notices, just like before.

"It's... kinda an embarrassing story." Mush rubs the back of his head, but the look Blink gives him makes him go on. "Okay, so I was over at a friend's house, right? And we were cooking, and well..." He trails off, clearing his throat. "Let's just say I'm not allowed to cook anymore."

Blink laughs, and Mush's heart melts a little. "That's hilarious." He crosses his arms on the table, resting his chin on the chair. "How's your dad, Mush?" He asks, glancing up.

Mush's smile slips off his face, and he settles down in a chair. "I dunno." He shrugs. "Haven't seen him in..." He frowns. "A good eight years." He catches the concerned look on Blink's face and laughs. It's not a happy laugh, and he knows Blink can tell. "It's nothing bad, he just- kicked me out." His eyes fall to the floor, unable to look up at Blink. 

"Mush..." Blink murmurs, his voice soft. Mush's fists curl into balls at the sound. He didn't need pity, especially not from Blink.

"It's fine, Blink." He says, voice curt. "It was a long time ago, and it doesn't matter." Blink doesn't seem convinced, but he drops it, standing up.

"You said you wanted to request a song?"

Mush looks up at that, raising an eyebrow. "Well, actually- that was Jack's idea. I didn't- I didn't really have anything in mind."

Blink grins mischeviously, cracking his knuckles. "Oh, I've got the perfect song~"

Mush sighs, shaking his head. "If you say so, Blink." He takes his seat next to Blink on the piano bench, almost slipping off. "I guess we're not kids anymore." He says, a small smile crossing his face.

"I suppose not." Blink scoots over a little, letting Mush have more space. "Here." He places his hands on the piano, still grinning. "Close your eyes."

Mush does so, leaning slightly against Blink. So he wouldn't fall, obviously. Blink starts to play, the melody filling the empty bar. He grins at the familiar tune, opening one eye.

"Really, Blink? Never Gonna Give You Up? Again?" He gives Blink a small shove, and he almost falls off the bench, laughing.

"Hey, it's a classic!" Blink protests, still playing.

"I swear to god, Blink, if you don't stop I'm firing you!" The distant voice of Jack Kelly shouts, silencing both Blink and Mush. Mush glances at Blink, who bursts out laughing. Mush can't help but follow suit, almost falling off the piano bench again.

"Sorry Kelly!" Blink shouts back, once he gets his laughter under control. Mush giggles again, leaning his head against the piano. 

"You good, Mush?" Mush lifts his head, meeting Blink's gaze. He grins, happier than he'd been in a long time. 

"Never better, Blink."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! If you have any questions, feel free to comment down below, or check me out on Tumblr at silvercrane14!  
> Have a wonderful day!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet you thought I forgot about this, huh.

Blink wakes up to complete darkness and panics, pushing his covers off him. He gropes around for his lamp switch, breathing a sigh of relief when light floods the room. The clock on his bedside table reads 2:43 and he sighs, rubbing his face. 

His hands are still shaking slightly, though he can't tell if it's from the nightmare or the shock of waking up in the darkness.

He swings his legs over the side of the bed, fumbling on the desk for his eyepatch. He slides it over his face with practiced ease, adjusting it to make it fit well. He makes his way over to his shelf, lifting up his lava lamp and flipping it over.

Out of battery.

He groans, rubbing his face again. His mom had thought it childish at first, when he had asked for a lava lamp, but after a week of sleepless nights, she'd caved.

He hadn't had this problem in the hospital, where everything was bright and harsh and he didn't have to worry about waking up and not being able to see.

He removes the batteries from the lamp, placing them on his bedside table.

"Hey Siri." He calls, not even looking at his phone, charging on the table. He waits for the bing to continue.

"Add batteries to my shopping list."

He places the lava lamp down, flopping down on the bed. He wanted to go back to bed, but now that he was awake, there was no way that was going to happen. He lets his eye close, covering his face with his arm.

"Hey Siri. Call Mush."

The phone rings twice before picking up, and Blink feels a bit guilty at the sound of Mush's voice. He seemed tired, which was valid considering it was almost three in the morning.

_"Blink? What's wrong?"_

Blink removes his arm, staring at the ceiling. "D'you ever feel like- no matter what you do, no one will remember you when you're gone?"

There's silence on the other side of the phone, and for a second Blink thinks Mush hung up.

_"Sometimes."_ Blink closes his eye again, sighing.

"I had a nightmare." He says, short and simple. "My mom was there, and my friends." _And you_ , his mind tacks on, but he doesn't say it out loud. "They didn't remember me." He opens his eye, lifting up his hand. It was still shaking, and he laughs.

"There was this boy." He pauses for a second, but Mush's side remains silent. "When I was in the hospital. His name was Boots, and he was probably around seven. He was... The greatest little kid. Amazing. We always thought, if one of us was going to make it out, it'd be Boots." He sniffs slightly, dropping his hand to cover his face. 

"He had the nicest smile, Mushy. Could light up the whole room. But he didn't make it past Christmas, and now I can't-" He rubs his face with his sleeve, trying to keep the tears at bay. "I can't remember what he sounded like. What his laugh sounded like. What he looked like- I can't remember anything." He sits up, pulling his legs to his chest.

"I don't want that to happen to me, Nick."

_"It won't."_ Mush says, a strange firmness in his voice. _"I'll make sure it doesn't, Lou."_

Blink smiles slightly, letting his head rest against the bed backboard. 

"D'you ever think about what happens when you die?" He asks, turning his head slightly to look at his phone.

_"I try not to."_ Mush answers simply, and Blink sighs.

_"Sometimes I can't help it."_ Mush's voice is quiet, but it echoes throughout Blink's empty room. _"When you- when I thought you were dead, I thought about it a lot. I wished for Heaven, because then at least you would be happy. Forever. And maybe one day I would see you too."_ He pauses. _"Though I'm not sure we'd end up in the same place."_

Blink looks up at this, letting his legs stretch out before him. "What d'you mean, Mushy?" He asks cautiously. Mush doesn't answer for a long time, and Blink wonders again if the connection cut out.

_"Can I tell you something?"_ It's something in Mush's voice that makes Blink sit up straighter, picking up his phone. He clicks out of speaker mode, holding it up to his ear.

"Shoot, Mush." He tries to keep his tone light, conversational.

_"I'm gay."_ Blink's gaze instantly shoots to the rainbow flag on his door. It's too dark to actually see, but he knows it's there.

"Me too, Mushy." There's a long silence on the other side, and Blink worries he said the wrong thing. 

_"I've never told anyone before."_ Mush admits quietly, and Blink can hear the relief in his voice. _"I wasn't sure how that would go..."_

Blink sighs, leaning his head back against the backboard. _"That's why my dad kicked me out."_ Mush continues. _"He caught me kissing another boy. I was sixteen, Lou." ___

____

____

"Nick-" Blink starts, but Mush interrupts him.

_"I had to go live with Jack. He didn't accept me, Blink. I always knew, deep down, that he wouldn't, but still-"_ Blink can hear the tears, though Mush tries hard to mask them.

_"He was the only family I had."_ Blink pauses, thinking carefully before talking.

"Well, I think that's bullshit." He announces. "Y'know the saying- the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb? He's not your family, Mush. We are- Me and Jacky boy, and all your other friends."

He's surprised by laughter on the other end, and he holds his phone away from his ear. _"You're a good man, Louis Balletti."_ Mush says softly, his voice crackling with static.

Blink squints his eye, putting the phone back on speaker. "Was that a Charlie Brown quote, Mush?" The silence on the other side gives him his answer, and he laughs, falling down onto his bed. "You're such a nerd."

_"Says you!"_

He erupts into laughter again, covering his eye with his arm. His hands had stopped shaking sometime during their conversation, which he was grateful of.

"Listen, I might watch Star Wars 'n Star Trek 'n shit, but that doesn't mean I'm a nerd, Mushy." He insists. Mush just laughs, and Blink can almost imagine him shaking his head.

_"That's literally the dictionary definition of a nerd, Blink."_

Blink scoffs. "Says who?"

_"Says Google."_ Mush replies matter-of-factly, and Blink rolls his eye.

"Hey Siri?" He calls. The phone on his bedside table bings, and he continues. "What's the definition of a nerd?"

_"Nerd is an informal term. It means: a foolish or contemptible person who lacks social skills or is boringly studious."_

"Siri says fuck you." Blink translates.

Mush laughs, and Blink grins. He glances at the clock, and his smile fades.

"Sorry for waking you up." He says quietly. On the other side, Mush goes silent.

_"It's fine."_ There's a strange quality to his voice, and Blink sits up. _"I wasn't getting much sleep anyways."_

Blink frowns, running a hand through his hair. "Hey, Mush?" He asks tentatively.

_"Yeah, Blink?"_

"Do you want to do something? Tomorrow? If you're free, that is." He adds quickly, grip tightening on his hair.

Mush's side goes quiet, and Blink's breath catches. Had he hung up? But then Mush speaks, his voice softer than Blink has ever heard it.

_"I'd like that."_

"Great." Blink breathes out, a grin crossing his face.

_"Great."_ Mush echoes.

"I'll see you, then?" He offers, heart aching inexplicably.

_"I'll see you."_

Blink picks up the phone, finger hovering over the off button.

"Good night, Mush."

_"Night, Lou."_

He presses the button, and just like that, he's alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! :) Thank you for reading <3


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